Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Attachment Issues Update

Well....John and I have made a decision on what the doctor stated about our situation. John and I, with Lydia's best interest, will follow doctor's orders.

Let me explain a bit further why our doctor has come to this conclusion......

While Lydia was in the orphanage, she did not attach to any of the caregivers. We could tell that when we first received her in our arms. Lydia did not cry when she was taken out of the caregiver's arms and given to us. This is the first indication of unhealthy attachment. Then, afterwards, Lydia would go to anyone. If the person held out their arms to her or even was in her reach....she would leave one of us and go to that person..with no regard to either her Momma or BaBa.

Let's look at it this way...when a person holds Lydia (other than us) they are acting as her "caregiver" (much like it was in the orphanage), and in that, she starts to build trust in that person. Taking away the very trust that she needs to be building in us. Lydia does not know the difference from "Tom, Dick, or Harry, Mom, Dad, or whoever" (so to speak). If you are holding her or meeting her needs..you are acting as a caregiver and we cannot risk this anymore.

Lydia has not learned that family is special (the three of us). She needs to learn that if we want her to have a healthy bonding/attachment to us. If she does not know this at an early age, it will be detrimental to her growth as a young lady and even in her adult years. We certainly do not want this (we have seen examples)...we want what is best for her.

We have talked with many other adoptive families and friends who state to just "listen to your doctor". Her doctor is an adoption specialist, has 3 children adopted from China and knows what she is talking about. I trust her. Why else would I drive all the way to Cincinnati to see her.

This is how we will do things for the next 5 months....
>When playing with other children: we will either hold her or she will sit on our lap while she interacts with other children
>When with family or friends: we will hold her while she interacts with others
>We will not allow anyone other than ourselves to: feed her, pick her up, comfort her, wake her up, put her down to sleep, change her, or any other circumstance where she has a need

I know that this may sound ridiculous, but we will do whatever it takes to help Lydia. We love her and we have a responsibility from the Lord to take care of her . We are accountable for her.

We hope and pray that those who are upset with this would prayerfully consider Lydia and what her needs are right now.

8 comments:

Kristi said...

I'm a fellow China mommy and followed you (via your blog) to China. (I think I found you initially on RQ). Anyway, having been home for a while now, I think that you will be very happy in the long run for the decision you have made for Lydia. I pray that your friends and family will accept and respect your decision. Good luck!
Kristi
(Kylie and Caleb's mommy)

Anonymous said...

I'm sure that was a difficult decision to make ... one of many to give your child what she needs. Praying that you both will be able to follow your guidelines and that those in your life will accept and support them happily and prayerfully.

Brenda Jo said...

well it makes a ton of sense... and we support you!!

Jamie said...

You have to make the right call for your family. I'm sure that time will pass quickly.

Michelle said...

Hi Claudine!

I've been out of the loop for the last couple of months and have just gotten all caught up on your blog. I'm SO thrilled for you, John and Lydia. The three of you make such a precious family, and I know that you and John will always prayerfully make the best decisions for Lydia. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you make this wonderful transition!

Anonymous said...

You've made a great decision and have thought it all out. You're in our prayers and I know that you will have tons of support during this time.

Unknown said...

I absolutely believe you made the best decision. As Lydia comes to understand how special your love for her is, she will come to understand how special is God's love (You know how often God's love is compared to parental love in Scripture). Other relationships will come later, out of the foundation you are building now. Take all the time you, and Lydia, need. May God bless you three abundantly.
Janet Atkins

Denise said...

I agree, this is just one of many life altering decisions you have made for your daughter. You have prayed and sought wise counsel. I look forward to seeing how God blesses! We love you- hugs and kisses all around!