Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Lydia is 20 months old today!

Happy 20 months Lydia.

Your Momma and BaBa love you.

Attachment Issues Update

Well....John and I have made a decision on what the doctor stated about our situation. John and I, with Lydia's best interest, will follow doctor's orders.

Let me explain a bit further why our doctor has come to this conclusion......

While Lydia was in the orphanage, she did not attach to any of the caregivers. We could tell that when we first received her in our arms. Lydia did not cry when she was taken out of the caregiver's arms and given to us. This is the first indication of unhealthy attachment. Then, afterwards, Lydia would go to anyone. If the person held out their arms to her or even was in her reach....she would leave one of us and go to that person..with no regard to either her Momma or BaBa.

Let's look at it this way...when a person holds Lydia (other than us) they are acting as her "caregiver" (much like it was in the orphanage), and in that, she starts to build trust in that person. Taking away the very trust that she needs to be building in us. Lydia does not know the difference from "Tom, Dick, or Harry, Mom, Dad, or whoever" (so to speak). If you are holding her or meeting her needs..you are acting as a caregiver and we cannot risk this anymore.

Lydia has not learned that family is special (the three of us). She needs to learn that if we want her to have a healthy bonding/attachment to us. If she does not know this at an early age, it will be detrimental to her growth as a young lady and even in her adult years. We certainly do not want this (we have seen examples)...we want what is best for her.

We have talked with many other adoptive families and friends who state to just "listen to your doctor". Her doctor is an adoption specialist, has 3 children adopted from China and knows what she is talking about. I trust her. Why else would I drive all the way to Cincinnati to see her.

This is how we will do things for the next 5 months....
>When playing with other children: we will either hold her or she will sit on our lap while she interacts with other children
>When with family or friends: we will hold her while she interacts with others
>We will not allow anyone other than ourselves to: feed her, pick her up, comfort her, wake her up, put her down to sleep, change her, or any other circumstance where she has a need

I know that this may sound ridiculous, but we will do whatever it takes to help Lydia. We love her and we have a responsibility from the Lord to take care of her . We are accountable for her.

We hope and pray that those who are upset with this would prayerfully consider Lydia and what her needs are right now.